Journal Entry: Mon Sep 1, 2014, 12:39 AM
I'm on my first weekend break from school, and I believe it is a well deserved break. I've been working as hard as I can in band and trying to get used to being in school again. Truthfully, it doesn't feel very real. Some days I'll be in a class and I'll think, "I can't wait to start school!" Then, I'll realize that we have already started school. I'll feel worn out and tired from it, but it's just not feeling right. I don't know, it's just weird.
Band has been my top priority. I am in the show first thing this year, it is honestly great to not be an alternate, and I have been making sure I work hard enough to deserve that spot. Of course, the work I have been putting into it has made me very tired, and I haven't been able to keep up with friends and family on the phone and Facebook. Therefore, I have ended a friendship with someone who was very important to me (I didn't choose to end it, he said he was giving up on me). Anyway, there are other more important things than just constantly being on Facebook and waiting for messages, I simply refuse to do that. He treated me pretty badly anyway. I have to see him in band since he's in my band class period AND my section, yay.
Back to band, practices have been kind of weird. Our director has been saying that he will replace us if we miss a day. One day, the girl who was next to me wasn't at the practice, so he called an alternate over, put her next to me, and replaced the girl, or so I thought. The next day, she was back in the alternate block and the original spot owner was there. He crossed the line there. You never, ever, EVER get someone's hopes up like that only to crush them, that breaks one of the rules in my rule book. I'm sure she was thrilled to be put in that spot, too. I don't even want to imagine how she must have felt when they put her back in the alternate block. I know from my own experience that there is absolutely no greater thrill in band than when your director comes up to you and tells you that he's giving you a spot, so who better to cheer her up than me (not to sound conceited)? I think she's alright now.
I've been looking at my band's show from 2013 on Youtube, and it has been giving me some pretty intense nostalgia. Not only did I experience something that big and real in person, I was a part of it! I'll never shake having to push those speakers with the percussion breathing down my neck, probably, but that doesn't mean the year wasn't worth it. Every now and again, I'll think of last year and it'll be all good things, which is weird since it was probably the hardest year of my life. Maybe that's why this year doesn't feel real.
My new teachers all seem to like me, except one of them, but he may come around in the next month. I'm happy with my schedule overall; however, I cannot be myself in any of the classes, not even choir, and it's very uncomfortable for me. I have no idea how I'm going to suppress my personality for an entire year. One thing that'll be different this year is assignments. Last year, being a freshman going through heartbreak, I didn't turn in all of my assignments, my grades went down, and I let my teachers down. That will absolutely not happen this year, I have no reason not to be on top of things.
That's enough about that. I have several people who have commissioned me who's commissions I need to finish, but no worries, I've got most of them done, I just haven't gotten around to posting them. Anyway, it's 2:30 in the morning and I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight!
Listening to: Mumford and Sons